


8a8y Mama

by Bobsled_Hostage



Series: Vriskat Tomfoolery [3]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Anal Sex, Bulges and Nooks, Dubious Consent, Eggpreg, F/M, Fluff, Forced Pregnancy, Mind Control, Mpreg, Oral Sex, survival sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:13:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobsled_Hostage/pseuds/Bobsled_Hostage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>It’s strange and uncomfortable enough, having a clutch of eggs growing inside you, without her being so nice.</em>
</p><p>Karkat deals with some major unexpected consequences of his mutation.  Repeatedly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [all i taste is blood between my teeth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/455855) by [magicites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicites/pseuds/magicites). 



You’re a trinket to be tossed on a pile in one of her hoards.  A cherry red bauble to be flaunted like the rare find you are, a symbol of her treasure hunting acumen.  What would a mighty pir8 8e without a consort to soothe away her frustr8tions? After what happened to your hive you needed a place to stay where nobody would try to cull you, and if survival means letting her pierce you and pail you and doll you up for Terezi to cackle at when she visits, well, it beats the alternative.  You might as well enjoy the ride while it lasts.  The hive’s warm, the food’s better than you could ever afford and the sopor’s always fresh.  It isn’t the life you wanted when you were five sweeps and dreaming about what you’d grow up to be, but it’ll have to do until something better comes along.  Or, more likely, until she gets tired of her new toy and gets rid of you.

Or, that’s what you thought.

 

There’s something wrong with your insides.  You wake up feverish, with a heavy sensation in your abdomen and a persistent soreness slightly above your shameglobes, deep inside.  Something in there that doesn’t belong.  It doesn’t go away.  Door locked, you spend the evening frantically Trollgle searching ‘unusual genital mutations’ and ‘something in my nook’ through the VPN Sollux set up for you.  The first results are various parasites, not a few of which make you sick with fear, but all of which you’re ultimately able to dismiss after a further course of humiliating genital self-examination.  The reality of the situation, of which you find graphic evidence spread across a couple of the smuttier mediculler forums, makes you stumble to the ablutionblock to vomit in earnest.

It’s eggs.

Your stupid fucking mutant seedflap made eggs and Vriska fertilized them by pailing you.

 

You try to hide it from her.  And try to hide the fact that you’re hiding something from her.  Most of the time you ignore each other anyway, when you aren’t pailing or just shouting insults across the mealblock.  You just have to stay out of her way until you can find a way to get rid of them.  If you even can get rid of them without damaging certain delicate parts of your anatomy.  Would poison work?  Can you take enough to kill them without killing yourself?  Dare you attempt amateur surgery on your own genitals (no, you do not)?

The desperate gambit to find a solution before she finds out lasts all of a single night.  She messages you out of the nowhere with the typical blunt solicitation she uses to remind you why she keeps you around.

AG: Heyyyyyyyy!  
AG: Guess who just got 8ack and feels r8ndy:  
AG: This troll!!!!!!!!  
AG: How soon can you 8e in the 8allroom on the eighth floor?  
AG: The one with the 8ig window facing Zahak’s hive ;;;;)

This is how the game is played between the two of you.  She messages you the where and when she wants to fuck you, you blow her off.  She pushes, you say you aren’t in the mood and avoid her.  You go back and forth until she gets sick of you bluebulging her and manipul8s you right where she wants her.  Then you pail and everything goes back to normal.  With enough repetition, the experience has gone from violating to uncomfortable to just annoying, and you aren’t quite sure how you feel about the transition.  You’re absolutely sure you don’t want her in your thinkpan tonight.

CG: I’LL BE UP IN EIGHT MINUTES  
AG: W8, why are you 8eing so cooper8tive all of a sudden?  
AG: Where’s the endless 8itching?   
AG: The moaning and stonewalling carrying on until my poor 8ulge is all 8ut ready to 8urst, forcing me, as much as I h8 doing so, to t8ke matters into my own hands?  
AG: What’s your angle????????

Shit.

CG: HAS IT OCCURRED TO YOU THAT MAYBE I DON’T LIKE HAVING YOUR GREASY MENTAL MITTS ALL OVER MY EXCELLENT THOUGHTSPONGE?  
CG: THAT MAYBE I’VE DECIDED TO MAKE THIS EASIER, QUICKER AND LESS AGGRAVATING FOR ME, AS MUCH AS SOMETHING CAN BE ANY OF THE ABOVE WHEN IT INVOLVES VRISKA SERKET?  
CG: OR THAT, JUST MAYBE, PERISH THE THOUGHT, I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE SEX TONIGHT?  
AG: Yeah, may8e.  
AG: Or may8e all that’s just shit I’ve told you 8efore that you’re regurgit8ing 8ack 8ecause you want to lull me into a false sense of security.  
AG: W8, no, that’s exactly what it is!  
AG: It’s almost word for word the exact justification I give you every time for speeding things along and getting on my 8ulge!  
AG: You’re up to something, Vantas!  
CG: EXACTLY.  
CG: I HAD A MASTER PLAN ALL WORKED UP TO LURE YOU WITH THE PROMISE OF A WARM MOUTH AND TENDER NOOK TO PLUNGE YOUR CERULEAN BULGE INTO, THEN VIOLENTLY MURDER AND REPLACE YOU WHEN I CAUGHT YOU WITH YOUR PANTS LITERALLY DOWN.  
CG: BUT YOU, MASTER SLEUTH VRISKA SERKET, DETECTIVISCERATOR EXTRAORDINAIRE, HAVE CAUGHT ME IN THE ACT.  YOU FIGURED IT OUT.  
CG: THE MOST I CAN DO NOW IS BEG FOR MERCY AS YOU HEAT THE IRONS TO PUT MY GLANCE NUGGETS OUT, PRIOR TO TOSSING ME TO YOUR BITCH LUSUS AS A SNACK.  
CG: HERE I’LL START NOW:  
CG: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.   
CG: I LEARNED MY LESSON, HONEST.  
CG: YOU MORON.  
AG: Alriiiiiiiight I get it, you don’t want to tell me.  
AG: 8ut hey, no 8ig deal.  
CG: OH NO YOU DON’T.  
AG: I’ll just find out my way!  
CG: NOT THIS TIME, DON’T DO IT.  
CG: I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND HERE, STAY OUT OF MY HEAD SERKET.

Serket does not stay out of your head.

Inside a minute she’s figured out why you’re being so cagey.

Inside five she’s jimmying the lock on your respiteblock door.  Inside eight you’re resigned to sitting on the edge of the table, legs spread and ankles held firmly while she peers into your nook.  Like she could even see anything from there.  She looks up at you, eye wide.

No way are you 8lasting those things.  I’m keeping ‘em!

You are so fucked.

 

Over the course of the next perigee you move around and less as you put on weight, growing increasingly gravid.  This week you do basically nothing but lie on the couch under a veritable mound of blankets, getting up only to use the gaper or get something to eat from the hull.  Until she starts bringing you food herself.  The first time you know it has to be a trick: Pickled trilobites, not just straight out of the can, on a plate even, proffered with a command to come on, e8t!  You pick one at random and press it into her hand, watching carefully as she eats it in one bite.

Come onnnnnnnn, like I’d poison the guy carrying my 8astards.

THE HELL IS A BASTARD?

Read it in a 8ook, it means 8rood.

SO CALL IT A BROOD INSTEAD OF USING STUPID MADE UP WORDS.

She makes a dismissive jerking motion and flings herself onto the couch beside you, reaching for the remote while you scarf the rest of the salty snacks in under a minute.

She spends more time in the hive, less out hunting down living juice8oxes for her lusus, and the bigger your belly gets, the weirder she acts.  It’s strange and uncomfortable enough having a clutch of eggs growing inside you, without her being so _nice._  At first it’s just a constant stream of treats, delivered to you with the pretense of  fatt8ning you up,  all of which you obligingly stuff down your protein chute.  Outside your bouts of intermittent nausea you’re only getting more and more ravenous.  Then she starts actually picking up after herself and you really have to wonder what’s gotten into her.  Before you started trading sex for rent here she basically just let junk accumulate on the floors, and now that you can’t exactly bend over to pick things up you expected the RPG splats, candy wrappers and dice to start piling up again.  Yet there she is, complaining loudly about you not pulling your w8 but nonetheless scooping an armload of clothes off the carpet.

She doesn’t bother with the dishes and that’s how you know she’s still sane.


	2. 8arefoot and Pregnant

You’ve got your husktop balanced on your abdomen, warmth seeping out through the vents at the bottom.  The TV is tuned to one of the more banal Imperial media feeds. You ignore it while you argue with your best friend.

TA: ye2 kk iit mu2t bee ju2t awful beeiing u2ed a2 an object for the 2atii2factiion of 2omeone hiigher on the 2pectrum than you.  
TA: who only care2 about a 2peciifiic part of your biiology to the exclu2iion of all el2e.  
TA: ii can’t iimagine what iit mu2t bee liike goiing through liife worryiing about that every niight.  
CG: POINT TAKEN, CAPTOR.  
CG: TAKEN AND SHOVED FAR, FAR UP YOUR ASS.  
CG: IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, YOU INCONSIDERATE GRUBFUCKER, THERE’S ONE IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY SITUATION AND YOUR TIRESOMELY PREDICTABLE FEARS OF YOUR WELL DESERVED ENSLAVEMENT AS A LIVING BATTERY:  
CG: YOURS HASN’T ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!  
TA: how biig are they now?  
CG: FUCK YOU, THAT’S A PERSONAL QUESTION.  
TA: ye2 ii know.  
TA: that’2 why ii a2ked.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW.  
CG: GIVEN THAT I HAVEN’T REACHED INSIDE AND COUNTED THEM BY HAND I HAVE NO WAY OF ESTIMATING HOW BIG EACH INDIVIDUAL EGG IS BASED ON THE VOLUME OF MY GROTESQUE, DISTENDED BROODSAC.  
CG: IT WOULD BE A FASCINATING OPTIMIZATION PROBLEM IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE FACT THAT IT’S HAPPENING DEEP INSIDE A VERY DELICATE AND SENSITIVE ORIFICE OF MINE.  
CG: YOU JACKASS.  
TA: ‘brood2ac’?  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?

Vriska comes out of the mealblock with a tub of hot, soapy water.  You wonder if she’s gone shithive maggots.

WHAT FRESH VISION OF HELL IS THIS?

She grins and slams it down at your feet, sloshing suds all over the rug. You’ve 8een 8itching nonstop that your feet are killing you, don’t act like you weren’t trying to b8 me into this.

You push the computer aside and lift your poor swollen strutpods so you can see them past your even more swollen belly.  Ok they don’t _look_ that bad, but she’s not wrong.  Vriska takes the opportunity to shove the tub under them.  The water’s scalding hot and you don’t hesitate to complain loudly.  She laughs and worms her way under the comforter you’re using.  Shoves her dumb, frigid cartilage nub into your hair.  Takes a big whiff in yet another gross violation of your personal space.

You smell gr8.

You smell like her, is what she means.  Like her and a bunch of her spawn growing inside you.  One of her hands goes to your belly, icy cold on your bare flesh.  You shiver and she pats the taught skin, trying to feel the shapes of the gestating eggs within.  The water cools just enough that soaking your feet feels amazing.  You’ll probably be back to puking in an hour or two, but right now you’re just fine watching this idiotic talk show with your 8aby mama (yet another moronic loan word she’s taken a shine to) possessively rubbing tiny circles over your aching broodsac (ok that one’s moronic too, but you have to call it _something_ ).  She tells you they’re dreaming.

BULLSHIT THEY ARE.

Ok may8e there aren’t any  _ thoughts  _ yet, 8ut they’ve definitely got 8rainwaves.

She’s excited.  Apprehensive.  Serket has no goddamn right to be even half as nervous as you.  She’s not the one who wakes up screaming thinking the little shits are chewing their way out through her nutrition cistern (although she is the one who paralyzes your thoughtsponge when you hyperventilate and claw at your abdomen trying to _get it out get it out get it out._  And the one who brings you food, and who helps you waddle to the trap for a soak after a long night arguing about game design, and nope this line of thought is veering wayyyyyyyy too far into pale territory for comfort).

You don’t talk about how neither of you are have a clue what to do when you lay.  Or when they hatch.  The sane thing to do is find a cave somewhere and dump them, let them find a lusus and fight their way out like normal trolls.  But then Vriska’s been on an ancestor kick (when is she ever not) and it would be just like her to want ‘descendants’ as if that’s even a real thing.  No regard for propriety, and knowing your luck you’ll be the one roped into playing lusus for whatever rancid cullbait crawls out.  Not going to happen, if you have even a shred of dignity left after this (admittedly a big ‘if’) you’ll walk out right then and there.  Better a return to vagrancy than fucking up an entirely new generation of trolls.  It goes without saying that you aren’t exactly thrilled at the thought of bringing a bunch more mutants into the world, if you’re lucky you’ll be able to convince her they’re better off as a treat for spidermom.  8ecause that’s what I w8ed on you prong and nu8 for all this time, to just throw them in the dross coffer like a 8ig 8ag of gar8age.

Like a thunderbolt to the aggravation sponge, you realize you aren’t alone in your mind.  She’s been rifling through your head the whole time.  While her hand crept down your stomach and into the waist of your boxers.

And you can forget a8out walking out right the fuck now.  If you think you’re going to 8e anything 8ut 8arefoot and pregnant for the next sweep, you’re out of your shellfruit.

Yup, there’s the Vriska Serket you know and tolerate.

THE FUCK DOES PREGNANT MEA-

She stuffs two fingers into the lips of your perpetually sore, oversensitive nook.  You groan and spread your legs as far as they’ll go, wrinkly wet feet dripping on the rug.  It was pretty self explanatory anyway: as soon as you pop the current batch out, she wants to stuff you with bulge and start work on a new one.  Two fingers become three, and a thumb pressed to your sheathe.  

She really hasn’t changed all that much after all.


	3. 8a8y Daddy

CG: THEY’RE BIG NOW.  
CG: NOT REALLY A HUGE SURPRISE WHEN THEY KEEP EATING EACH OTHER.  
CG: I THOUGHT ABOUT STOPPING THEM BUT VRISKA WANTS TO MAKE SURE ONLY THE 8est ONES MAKE IT TO PUPATION.  
GA: How Many Are Left  
CG: SEVEN, AND SHE DID CONSIDER BREAKING IT UP WHEN SHE REALIZED SHE WASN’T GOING TO HAVE THE """8est""" NUMBER OF DESCENDENTS.  
CG: BUT IN THE END SHE MADE THE EXECUTIVE DECISION TO LET THE BROOD CULL ITSELF.  
CG: FINE WITH ME, EVERY TIME I GO IN THERE THE LITTLE MUTANT SHITS CAN’T WAIT TO SINK THEIR TEETH INTO ME.  
CG: AND I SWEAR TO GOD ONE OF THEM HAS MIND POWERS LIKE MOMMY DEAREST.  
GA: Which One  
CG: YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS.  
GA: The One With The Horns That Look Like Tiny Brass Hooks  
CG: YEAH, SHE DOES THE THING WHERE YOU LOOK AND YOU DON’T SEE HER BECAUSE SHE’S TELLING YOUR THINKPAN THAT THE IMAGE YOU GET FROM YOUR GANDERBULBS DOESN’T INCLUDE HER.  
GA: Are You Sure It Isnt That She Just Snuck Up While You Werent Paying Attention  
GA: Or Hid Behind A Chair Or Something  
CG: FUCK YOU, SHE HAS POWERS, OKAY?  
GA: When Was The Last Time You Slept  
CG: I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COUNTING THE SECONDS.  
GA: No But You Are Supposed To Think About It Once Every Few Nights At Least  
GA: I Suppose My Constant Pestering And Nagging And Wheedling And Asking About Them Must Be Getting A Bit Tiresome  
GA: But Wrigglers And Eggs And Pupation And So On Are What I Have To Look Forward To Whether I Like It Or Not  
GA: So Im Taking Notes And Asking Questions While I Still Can  
CG: I ACTUALLY DON’T MIND, WHICH I KNOW MUST COME AS A SHOCK.  
CG: BUT THIS SHIT HAS BASICALLY BEEN MY LIFE FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE FOREVER NOW SO IT’S NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE TAKE AN INTEREST IN IT.  
CG: ANYWAY WHEN YOU GET HERE YOU CAN TAKE A LOOK YOURSELF.  
GA: At The Wrigglers Or At You  
GA: Also Its Confirmed Then Im Definitely Invited To Visit  
CG: YEAH IT’S UNDER CONTROL.  
CG: VRISKA MIGHT BE OUT BUT I’LL BE HERE TO LET YOU IN, JUST MAKE SURE NOT TO TOUCH THE DOORKNOB OR REALLY ANYTHING ELSE OUTSIDE THE HIVE IF YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE.  
CG: AND DON’T TAKE THE LOWER PATH UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A DELICIOUS, TROLL-JUICE FILLED MORSEL BY A CERTAIN SOMEONE’S BITCH LUSUS.  
CG: BUT WE’VE GOT A GUEST ‘COON AND EVERYTHING SO YOU CAN JUST SHOW UP WHENEVER.  
GA: Wonderful  
GA: It Must Already Be Cramped With The Two Of You Sleeping In The One Together And I Would Hate To Crowd Things By Adding A Third  
CG: KANAYA.  
CG: I AM THE LAST PERSON YOU NEED TO BE JEALOUS OF.  
CG: YOU ARE WELCOME TO AS MUCH OF VRISKA SERKET’S BULGE AS YOU CAN HANDLE, AND THEN SOME.  
GA: Im Sorry That Was A Little Insensitive Of Me Wasnt It  
GA: You Have Been Quite Clear That Bearing A Clutch Of Eggs Against Your Will Was Not At All The High Point Of Your Life  
GA: And My Adolescent Fondness For The Troll Who So Graciously Donated Half The Material Necessary To Make It A Reality Does Not Give Me License To Resent You For It  
CG: LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.  
CG: LISTEN TO ME CLOSELY:  
CG: JUST TELL HER.  
GA: What A Novel Piece Of Advice I Dont Think I Could Have Ever Come Up With That Myself  
GA: Please Mister Vantas Let Me Sip From Your Fountain Of Wisdom Until My Blood Is So Diluted I Perish From Brain Damage  
CG: LOOK AT THE WAY SHE ACTS NOW THAT SHE’S GOT ESSENTIALLY INFINITE LICENSE TO PAIL ME.  
CG: EXTEND THAT TO SOMEONE WHO’S GENUINELY ATTRACTIVE AND SHE’LL BE OVER THE FUCKING MOONS.  
CG: PLUS I’M PRETTY SURE SHE ALREADY KNOWS.  
GA: What  
CG: YEAH.  
GA: What  
CG: SHE’S A MIND READER, IF I KNOW SHE'S PROBABLY PICKED IT UP FROM ME.  
CG: SO IT LOOKS LIKE I FUCKED THAT UP FOR YOU TOO.   
CG: UNPRECEDENTED, I KNOW, ME RUINING SOMETHING FOR ONE OF MY FRIENDS.  
CG: REALLY YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PISSED AT ME.  
GA: Because I Am Feeling Magnanimous I Will Call Us Even  
GA: Has She Said Anything About It  
CG: I MEAN, SHE MIGHT BE PLANNING TO RAVISH YOU LIKE ONE OF THE WENCHES IN THOSE STUPID SELF-INSERT FRIENDFICS SHE THINKS I DON’T KNOW ABOUT.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Really  
CG: I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE.  
CG: BUT DON’T THINK THAT LETS YOU OFF THE HOOK.  
CG: YOU HAVE TO TELL HER, SHE ISN’T GOING TO READ YOUR MIND, SWEEP YOU OFF YOUR FEET AND FUCK YOU UNTIL YOU CAN’T WALK.  
CG: THAT PRIVILEGE IS RESERVED FOR ME, APPARENTLY.  
GA: Yes That Seems To Be The Running Theme Here Doesnt It  
GA: Perhaps We Might Be Better Served If You Came To Stay With Me For A While  
CG: IS THAT A JOKE OR ARE YOU SERIOUSLY OFFERING?  
GA: Was It Too Forward  
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING?  
CG: NO, IT’S NOT TOO FORWARD.  
CG: AND I PROMISE I WASN’T DELIBERATELY WHINING TO BAIT YOU INTO ASKING.  
CG: BUT IF YOU’RE REALLY INVITING ME, YES I’D FUCKING LOVE TO VISIT YOU.  
GA: Oh Dear  
GA: I Suppose I Should Have Offered Sooner Shouldnt I  
GA: Such As When Your Hive Was Destroyed And You Were Forced To Accept Whatever Lodging Was Within Arms Reach For The Sake Of Your Own Survival No Matter What The Terms Of The Arrangement Were  
GA: Potentially Sparing You A Number Of Unpleasant Things Which You Have Described Repeatedly In Graphic Detail  
GA: Come To Think Of It Given The Circumstances Im Surprised You Arent Fuming About That  
GA: Because On Reflection It Really Was Vile Of Me Not To Immediately Offer You Sanctuary Wasnt It  
CG: HEY, HERE’S AN IDEA:  
CG: HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE THE RUMINATION ON HORRIBLE PAST DECISIONS TO ME?  
CG: SINCE I’M THE EXPERT, BOTH IN MAKING THEM AND WISHING I HADN’T MADE THEM AFTER MAKING THEM.  
CG: INSTEAD MAYBE YOU CAN START THINKING OF HOW YOU’LL PERSUADE HER TO LET ME LEAVE.  
GA: Is That Going To Be A Problem  
CG: I DON’T SEE HOW IT WOULDN’T BE.  
CG: SHE’S BEEN TALKING AND TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE’S GOING TO KEEP ME UNDER LOCK AND KEY AND PUT ANOTHER BATCH INSIDE ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, IN CASE THESE ONES ‘turn out 8ad’  
CG: FUCK, JUST THINKING ABOUT LEAVING IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE ENOUGH TO SET HER OFF.  
GA: Hm  
GA: I Apologize For How This Sounds  
GA: But If She Really Is Planning On Fucking My Mind Apart Or However You So Circumspectly Put It  
GA: Or If I Can Otherwise Convince Her That It Is Wise To Pursue A Flushed Relationship With Me  
GA: I May Be Able To ‘Borrow’ You Under The Pretext That I Would Like A Clutch Of Descendents Of My Own  
CG: OK BUT THATS JUST A PRETEXT RIGHT?  
GA: Yes  
CG: BECAUSE IF NOT THEN FINE, WE HAVE TO DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO.  
CG: NOT THAT I FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU BUT GIVEN THE CHOICE BETWEEN YOU AND HER KNOCKING ME UP I THINK IT’S A PRETTY CLEAR CUT DECISION.  
GA: That Is Very Flattering But Yes I Will Just Be A Pretext  
CG: THOUGH SHE’S BEEN A LOT LESS AWFUL LATELY.  
CG: OK GOOD.  
CG: AS NICE AS LYING AROUND, BEING PAMPERED AND STUFFING MY FACE WAS THERE ARE OTHER PARTS OF THE EXPERIENCE I’D *REALLY* RATHER NOT REPEAT.  
GA: I Can Imagine  
GA: Though Now That We Have Discussed Our Plan She May Be Able To Simply Discern Our True Intentions From A Sojourn Through Your Thought Sponge  
CG: YEAH WELL, WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT WHEN YOU GET HERE.  
GA: I Suppose That Is The Best We Can Hope For  
CG: SEE YOU SOON, I GUESS.  
CG: KANAYA?  
GA: Yes?  
CG: IT’S BEEN BLINKING grimAuxiliatrix is typing AT ME FOR TEN MINUTES.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Its Fine  
GA: Ill Ask You When I Get There  
CG: KANAYA  
GA: Yes See You Soon  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it's these two again


	4. Sugar Mama

Both the moons are out, bathing the trees and the hills and the enormous brightly colored sails dangling from the peak of the hive above you in shades of pink and green.  The only sounds are plants and fabric flapping in the clear desert breeze.

I GUESS IT’S ALRIGHT.

Kanaya hums in agreement, lying next to you beneath the gently rustling leaves of one of the elegantly manicured frond nubs dotting her lawnring.

While I Must Agree That My Hive And Its Surrounding Environs Which I Have Spent Countless Hours Cultivating Are ““Alright”” I Wish You Could See Them In Daylight

YEAH, AND I WISH WE HADN’T ACTUALLY HAD TO GO THROUGH WITH THAT LITTLE ‘PRETEXT’ WE TALKED ABOUT.  You give your distended belly a vigorous slap for emphasis.

Mmm.  She kisses your cheek.  I Will Do My Best To Make It Up To You

OH NO, YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT EASILY.   You try and turn on your side, and are immediately reminded that your enormous broodsac precludes anything but lying on your back.  You settle for turning your head and glaring instead.   BELIEVE IT OR NOT I’M NOT GOING TO JUST ‘GET OVER’ BEING PASSED BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN A PAIR OF CRAZY BITCHES LIKE THE LAST BOTTLE OF LIBATIONS AT THE SUFFERING DAY FEAST.

I Cant Recall Ever Implying Otherwise And If I Did I Apologize

AND LET’S MAKE ONE THING CRYSTAL FUCKING CLEAR: NO WAY IN HELL ARE WE EVER ACTUALLY HAVING A THREESOME, NO MATTER HOW  “gr8” SHE PROMISES IT WOULD BE.  NOT TO SOUND UNGRATEFUL BUT PAILING YOU ONCE WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR A LIFETIME, AND IF I EVER SEE VRISKA SERKET’S  “8ig 8lue 8ulge” AGAIN IT WILL BE SOON.

Once Again We Are In Agreement .  She purses her lips in contemplation.   Except Perhaps On That Very Last Point

That one gets a genuine chuckle out of you.  She squeezes your hand and the both of you lay there in companionable silence for a moment.

Do You Have Any Preferences For Names

YOU’RE FUCKING WITH ME, RIGHT?  MY *PREFERENCE* IS THAT WE DUMP THEM IN THE NEAREST SINKHOLE, BECAUSE I’M NOT GOING THROUGH THIS SHIT A SECOND TIME.

Kanaya mock pouts.

I DON’T KNOW WHICH IS WORSE: HAVING ANOTHER CLUTCH OF THESE LITTLE SHITS GESTATING INSIDE ME, OR HOW DISGUSTINGLY BABY CRAZY YOU ARE.

What Is A Baby

IT’S SOME FUCKING MADE UP WORD THAT- YOU KNOW WHAT?  NEVERMIND.

Okay

She scoots closer and starts to rub your horns.  The absolute bitch.   


WHY CAN’T ANY OF YOU LUSUSFUCKERS ALLOW ME THE DIGNITY OF BEING PISSED OFF FOR TWO SECONDS, you suppress a chirr, WITHOUT STUFFING YOUR FRONDS IN MY PERSONAL BUBBLE TRYING TO DISTRACT ME WITH MY DISGUSTING BODY’S DISGUSTING CONDITIONED RESPONSES?

Would You Like Me To Stop

NO, I WANT YOU TO THINK FOR ONE SECOND ABOUT WHETHER THE SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM IS PLANTING YOUR MITTS ON MY WORTHLESS HORNS AND FONDLING ME UNTIL I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT.

You continue griping, Kanaya making little affirming noises to signal she’s listening as she fondles you until you can’t think straight.  She interrupts at one point to thank you again for  Pushing Me To Come Clean With Vriska Which I Would Not Have Done Save With Your Insistence .  You murmur not to make such a  HUGE FUCKING DEAL about it.

If It Was Not Obvious Earlier I Will Reiterate That I Really Do Mean It When I Say I Am Sorry 

YEAH, AND I REALLY MEANT IT WHEN I SAID BETTER YOURS THAN HERS.

The moons hover slowly across the night sky, looking bloated and lazy.  Kind of like yourself at the moment.  One of the eggs moves inside you, just a little.  An unfriendly reminder that no, this isn’t a happy ending, you still have to go through the absolute worst part of the process over again.

Is The Convention To Issue Them My Surname Or Yours

You try to swat her face and end up papping it instead.


	5. B4BY ON BO4RD

Terezi’s visiting Kanaya’s hive.  By which you mean Terezi invited herself over.  By which you mean Terezi showed up in the middle of the night and hammered on the door until Kanaya woke up and sighed and groaned and acquiesced and set out a tub of sopor in a block she wasn’t using.  You hadn’t seen her in a while and part of you was happy to have her around.  The rest of you was driven absolutely shithive maggots, as usual.

 

Kanaya is outside, working in the garden at night while whatever she’s got in the mealblock cooks.  A rarity for her, but she’s rearranged her sleep schedule a lot since you arrived.  Terezi is drawing or cutting up a stuffed animal or something else asinine, you don’t know and you don’t care.  You’re in the livingblock, working your way through Kanaya’s books.  Your current subject, _Topiary - Practical and Ornamental Applications - Volume 3_ is hideously dull, and doing nothing to distract you from the problem in your pants.  Obscured by your belly but all-too-present nonetheless, your bulge is doing a fantastic job making a mess beneath the stretchy waist of the  Gestation Garments Kanaya made for you.  For no reason you can understand, you’re very, very horny, and the soft fabric is absolute torture on your oversensitive bulge and dripping nook.  Yes, you could walk to the ablutionblock and masturbate, but that would mean your already sore genitals rubbing against the inside of your pants with every step.  You could take your pants off, but you know for a fact that doing so would coincide with the exact moment Terezi chose to-

K4RK4T!

-walk in.

Fantastic.  Your initial plan to bore your arousal away is suddenly both far more urgent and far less feasible.

Terezi sniffs the air.  YOU _ST1LL_ SM3LL L1K3 K4N4Y4’S SP4WN!   Grins.    4ND JUST 4 B1T L1K3 BULG3

YEAH, AND IF THERE WERE ANY JUSTICE YOU’D SMELL LIKE YOU JUST CULLED YOURSELF.  BUT TRAGICALLY THAT ISN’T THE WORLD WE LIVE IN.

She scoffs and knocks a pile of books over with her cane.  D1D 1 S4Y ‘JUST 4 B1T’?  1 M34NT ‘3NT1R3LY’

REALLY?  I HADN’T NOTICED!   You snap the book shut.   HERE I WAS, THINKING IT WAS COMPLETELY NORMAL FOR MY GENERATIVE ORGANS TO SQUIRT PHEROMONES AND SLURRY EVERYWHERE AT THE LEAST APPROPRIATE TIME!  THINKING EVERY PART OF ME WAS SUPPOSED TO ACHE CONSTANTLY!  GOING ALL THIS TIME WONDERING WHY I FELT SO BLOATED AND SO TIRED, IF IT WAS NORMAL TO PUKE FOR AN HOUR AND THEN STUFF MY FACE WITH ALL THE FOOD I COULD GET MY HANDS ON!  BUT NO!  TEREZI PYROPE HAS SHOWN ME A BETTER WAY!  TURNS OUT, MY STUPID FUCKING MUTANT BODY IS MALFUNCTIONING!  SHE’S FIGURED IT OUT!  SHE DID IT!  I CAN FUCKING DIE IN PEACE, KNOWING THAT THE DEEP MYSTERIES OF-

1F YOU W4NT 1 C4N H3LP YOU W1TH TH4T

You sputter, train of thought totally derailed.  She waggles her eyebrows.  Your lips ache, stuck to the fabric of your pants.

HAVE YOU NOT BEEN BRIEFED ON MY THESIS REGARDING THE VAST NUMBERS OF PSYCHOTIC BROADS TRYING TO GET THEIR CLAWS AND/OR GENITALS INTO ME?  NO?  WELL LET ME READ THE ABSTRACT OUT LOUD: NOT ON YOUR FUCKING LIFE!

WH4T 4BOUT TONGU3S?

WHAT?

WH4T 4BOUT PSYCHOT1C BRO4DS WHO W4NT TO G3T TH31R TONGU3S 1NTO YOU?

Oh fuck, she’s serious.

You’ve thought about Terezi a lot.  The shape of her body - compact but sharp and deadly like the rest of her.  The way she always leers when she smells you from across the room.  The way she knows about your little problem and acts like it’s a big joke, not an object of revulsion.  The way she’s obsessed with L4W  and JUST1C3 and could turn you over to the drones - or cull her yourself - and be completely in the right.  Gutterblood shacks up with highblood in exchange for his life: one of the most basic tropes in intercaste romance, and you got more than your fill of it from Vriska.  But try telling your genitals that, when it’s Terezi offering to eat you out.

K4RK4T S4Y SOM3TH1NG

This is a very bad idea.

MAKE IT QUICK, ALRIGHT?  I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG KANAYA’S GOING TO BE OUT.

She shrieks with delight and lifts your legs, chilly highblood hands tugging your pants off.  The fabric around your crotch pulls free of your sensitive bits, you yelp at the ripping sensation and curse at her.

GO GET A BUCKET OR SOMETHING YOU ABSOLUTE BITCH.  I DON’T WANT TO FUCK UP KANAYA’S FURNITURE MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE.   Terezi cackles and goes to retrieve the sordid receptacle.  You gingerly explore your genitals with your hands, to ensure nothing _actually_ tore.  She returns quickly with the requested container.

M1SS M4RY4M M4D3 4LMOST NO 3FFORT TO H1D3 1T!

The sight of it, in Terezi’s fronds no less, gives you a shiver of anticipation.  She places it on the floor in front of the couch.  Takes off her glasses.

SCOOT!

She grabs your thighs and tugs with her chilly hands so that you’re sitting with your gash exposed over the edge.  You squawk in irritation, mostly for show, because this is really happening, and if you’re honest it’s fine if she feels like taking the lead.  Terezi kneels between your spread legs, throwing your knees up over her shoulders so her head is positioned inside your thighs.  Her highblood-frigid hands on the bare skin of your thighs trigger a little shiver of revulsion, an urge to get away.  You choke it down, because it’s Terezi this time.  You _want_ this, remember?

She leans in and takes a big whiff of your nook.  Shivers some herself.

SM3LLS D3L1C1OUS!

JUST GET ON WITH IT

Terezi makes an excited sound and gets on with it.  You almost jump off the couch when her tongue touches the lips of your nook: it’s cold.  And wet.  And long.  And swiping over your whole nook, tasting the difference between the outer and inner parts, _pushing into you_ .  You shiver and make little _hah_ , _hah_ , _haaah_ sounds.  It’s cold enough that it feels just right, even with how swollen and sensitive you are.  You clamp your thighs down inadvertently, you want more.  She puts her hands on your thighs, holds your legs apart to stop you from squeezing her head.  Chirrs something with her mouth full.

And then pulls her tongue out for some fucking reason.

OH FUCK, K4RK4T, YOU T4ST3 _SO GOOD_

You whine in response and push her head back down.  Talking is _not_ what you want her doing with her mouth right now.  Her claws prick the inside of your thighs just enough to hurt.  Just enough to remind you not to get greedy, that she’s the dangerous one here.  But she keeps licking, keeps probing until she finds a spot that must taste good, because she presses the tip against it and-

RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE _FUCK_

It feels amazing and then something drops in your seedflap.

FUCK FUCK FUCK, TEREZI I’M GOING TO LAY, WE NEED TO GET A BASIN OR SOMETHING AND- AH, AH, _AHHHHH!_

No, actually, the only thing coming out of you is slurry, in a long gush accompanied by a long, loooooong orgasm.  Your hands flex on her horns as your whole body spasms.  You’d pull her up into your nook if you could, the way she’s still slurping greedily you think she wouldn’t mind.  Fuck it’s so good, pouring out tension and just the tiniest wave of red feelings as you cum with your crush nose and tongue-deep in your snatch.  You writhe and she licks and you writhe and she licks until it starts to hurt, raw and practically dry she got so much out of you.  She gets the hint when you shove gently, then less gently, and withdraws, face absolutely covered in cherry-red slurry.

She licks the area around her mouth clean, it’s disgusting but you don’t care.  Most of it got in the bucket and you feel _good_.  Everything feels soft and the ache in your pants is all but gone, replaced with tingling and relaxation.  Terezi lets you lie on the couch for a moment, hands pillowed on your abdomen in contentment, before ruining everything by opening her mouth.

WOW, WH3N YOU S41D ‘QU1CK’ YOU W3R3N’T K1DD1NG

I’M ALSO NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY ‘HANG YOURSELF’

WELL M1ST3R V4NT4S?  She claps a hand on your belly.   1 W4S PROM1S3D 3GGS!

FALSE ALARM, AND FUCK YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR SOUNDING SO EXCITED.

4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG TH4T 1 JUST L41D YOU SO GOOD YOU THOUGHT YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO L4Y?

I’M SUGGESTING THAT YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.

She laughs.

W3LL, 1F YOU’R3 LOOK1NG FOR 4 W4Y TO R3P4Y M3, 4 BLOWJOB FROM SOM3ON3 B3N34TH YOU ON TH3 SP3CTRUM 1S S41D TO B3 ON3 OF L1FE’S B4S1C PL34SUR3S, she licks her lips,  YOU 4R3N’T 4CTU4LLY ON TH3 SP3CTRUM, BUT-

FIRST OF ALL,  you grit your teeth, CULL YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY HEDGE TRIMMER.  SECONDLY, UNLESS YOU WANT A LAPFUL OF HOT BILE YOU CAN FORGET IT.  I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW WITH ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CONFIDENCE THAT- another egg shifts.  IF ANYTHING GOES IN MY MOUTH I’M GOING TO FUCKING PUKE.

HM…  1 W4NT TO PUT MY BULG3 1N YOU, BUT YOUR NOOK 4ND MOUTH 4R3 OFF L1M1TS…   She makes an exaggerated troll-Sherlock-Holmes chin stroking motion.  Points in the air in a little ‘eureka’ gesture that gives you a tiny ache of red feelings.   TH4T ST1LL L34V3S ON3 HOL3 OP3N!

YOU’RE FUCKING WITH ME.

NO 1’M 4SK1NG 1F 1 C4N FUCK W1TH YOUR W4ST3 CHUT3

YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS.  She’s already taking off her pants.

N4M3 ON3 T1M3 1 H4V3 3V3R B33N 4NYTH1NG BUT D34DLY S3R1OUS!

WELL IF WE’RE COUNTING TONIGHT, YOU-

OBJ3CT1ON!  1RR3L3V4NT! TH3 C3NTR4L QU3ST1ON OF TH1S C4S3 1S NOT MY D1SPOS1T1ON, 1T’S WH3TH3R 1 C4N PUT MY BULG3 1N YOUR BUTT!

NOT TO BE THE ACID WEASEL AT THE PUBLIC EXECUTION, BUT MY NOOK IS SORE ENOUGH WITHOUT ADDING MY ASS TO THE MIX.

H4V3 YOU 3V3R DON3 1T B3FOR3?

YEAH, A COUPLE TIMES WITH VRISKA.

YOU L3T S3RK3T FUCK YOUR 4SS BUT YOU WON’T L3T M3?   She grimaces in mock-dismay.   K4RK4T 1’M HURT

I DIDN’T EXACTLY *LET* HER.

OH

Terezi looks contrite, for once in her life.  Way to kill the mood, genius.  You cross your arms and grumble.

WILL YOU AT LEAST TRY AND BE GENTLE?

That perks her up.

TH3 G3NTL3ST!  YOU WON’T 3V3N KNOW 1’M TH3R3!

Judging by the size of the squirming lump in her boxers, you doubt it.  But this is Terezi.  She’s negotiating with you, she doesn’t just take what she wants, even if she could get away with it.  And you trust her.  And you might be a little flushed for her.  And you might want her to eat you out again some time

FINE, BUT PUT DOWN A TOWEL BEFORE-

She cackles and pounces.

As much as Terezi wants to do it F4C3 DOWN 4SS UP you aren’t about to risk falling down on your stomach.  She tips you onto your back instead, hips up on the armrest of the couch, legs wrapped around her while she stands.  You can’t see what the hell she’s doing down there, courtesy of your gravid broodsac.  But you spread your ass with your hands anyway, and she at least has the decency to _tell you_ when she pushes the tip of her questing bulge into you.  No, you can’t just  R3L4X on command, but it’s the thought that counts.  She doesn’t grab you by the legs and shove, unlike a certain someone.  Just rubs your legs and makes satisfied sounds as the rest of her bulge worms its way into your ass.  It’s a lot like her tongue, if you’re being honest: long, cold, surprisingly dextrous, and a lot larger than yours.  It’s a lot more uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt much, aside from some pressure on your already sore nook through the layers of tissue inside you.  Her bulge is pretty slick and she’s taking it slow, face screwed up in concentration.

She gets the whole thing inside you without too much trouble, which surprises you given the size.  Admittedly you’re fixated more on the way she tells you how good you feel around her, how great you’re doing.  The happy little grunts she makes as she wriggles and flexes and milks it using your inner walls.

H3Y,  she huffs, CAN YOU TRY SQU33Z1NG 1T?

Y-YEAH, LET ME- You tighten your pelvic floor muscles.  She makes a husky, throaty sound and if your bulge wasn’t so sore you’d be jacking it now.  You squeeze a second time, because you want her to make that sound again.  And she does, louder, mouth hanging open and eyes scrunched shut with pleasure.  Pre-material oozes out of the base, smearing cold on your ass and soaking into the towel and cushions below you.  You squeeze again and she grunts, clutches at your legs.

NOT SO F4ST, FUCK, 1 W4NT TO L4ST LONGER

WE DON’T HAVE ALL NIGHT.   She _growls_ at you.  Not a threat, but a possessive, mating sound.    AND UNLESS YOU’RE PLANNING ON DROPPING SOME OF YOUR _-OH-_ YOUR GARGANTUAN HIGHBLOOD STIPEND ON SOMETHING TO STOP ME FROM SWELLING UP WITH YET MORE PARASITES, YOU’LL HAVE PLENTY OF OTHER CHANCES TO FUCK MY ASS.  

OH _Y3S,_ She groans with lust,  T4KE MY BULG3 1N YOUR W4ST3 CHUT3 OR 1’LL S1R3 4 BROOD OF WR1GGL3RS 1N YOU, T4K3-

You squeeze again and she cums.  A thick load of teal slurry, pumped directly into your ass, chilly and thick.  Fuck, that’s going to be a bitch coming out.  Terezi pumps her hips and warbles something, loosing another couple spurts before pulling out to deposit the remainder of her material on your ass rather than in it.  She aims high with a jet or two, spattering your big, round belly before the flow finally stops.  What an ungodly mess.

She slumps forward, crawls over the arm of the couch and wedges herself bonelessly between you and the seat-back.

MMM, W4S 1T GOOD FOR YOU K4RKL3S?

Oh fuck, she’s _purring_.  You could definitely get used to this.

...HARDLY.  YOU GOT TO SNACK ON ME _AND_ FUCK ME.  I GOT A WASTE CHUTE FULL OF YOUR SLURRY.  HMM!  WHO GOT THE BETTER END OF THE BARGAIN?

She laughs and folds her arms around you like you’re one of her scalemates.  Smears the slurry she spread over your abdomen.  The whole thing is so debauched: Your flush crush just sodomized you on your moirail’s couch, because you were too sore from carrying your moirail’s grubs to just pail her normally.

Your moirail walks in with a tray of beetle dumplings, fresh from the convection apparatus.

Your moirail drops them.

 

The dumplings are flaky and salty and fatty and you eat all of them.  Including the ones that fell on the floor, because Kanaya’s hive is pretty clean and because you’re _hungry_ now, earlier nausea temporarily abated.  Terezi steals as many as she can and you nip at her.  Kanaya makes it quite clear that if Terezi is going to make a mess of her furniture and her hive then she will be expected to help with cleaning and laundry.  She exempts you only because she's  Given To Understand That Stress Is Bad For The Wrigglers.  You tell her to fuck off, folding clothes and scrubbing floors is not Stressful.  Plus, your slurry at least made it into the bucket.

4ND MY NUTR1T1ON C1ST3RN

Thank You So Much For Sharing Terezi Dear It Is Not As If Any Of Us Are Eating At The Moment

OOH, 4R3 YOU J34LOUS?

Yes Oh No You Found Me Out

OF WHO?  M3 OR K4RKL3S?

Whichever Is More Amusing In The Imaginary Scenario You Have Constructed Where These Things You Just Said Are True

They bicker and tease and flirt across you while you eat the last of the snacks.  Terezi on your left and Kanaya on your right, both of them leaning in to touch you or to slap one another.  Truth be told you’re feeling pretty comfortable.  Aside from the slurry still dripping out of you - you’re sitting on a towel and you’ve got a blanket thrown over your legs in lieu of your pants (which also need to be washed, fuck).  You feel warm and heavy and tired and (as much as you hate letting your guard down) safe, sandwiched between them.

 

The contractions start later that night.  Everything is horrible after all.


	6. 8a8y come 8ack

Laying is a little better the second time.  This time you don’t have the edge of uncomprehending fear to compound the pain, and instead of Vriska tearing around the room in a fit you’ve got your moirail squeezing your hand, mopping at your brow with a cool cloth and massaging you in all the spots her manuals said would make the passage of the eggs easier.  You’ll be upset about it later, being rubbed down like a Mother Grub having trouble laying.  At the moment you cling to Kanaya and beg her in between spasms and pained howls not to leave.  Terezi is quiet, sniffing at you from just beyond arm’s reach in awe.  Like she’s witnessing something special.  (Like she’s imagining how it’ll smell when your nook is stretched raw and red and bloody with  _ her  _ eggs rolling out of it?)  You scream at her - something nasty, later you can’t remember what it was -  and Kanaya tells you to keep breathing.  It’s the second worst pain you’ve ever felt.  At one point you start babbling, begging her to cut them out of you, it’ll hurt less.  She tells you that would kill you and you scream you don’t care.  She tells you  No and you drop it, because it’s bad enough with just you crying and you can’t leave the  Mother Of Your Grubs all alone in this life.   


That’s far from the dumbest thought that passes through your pan as you agonizingly squirt out egg after egg, along with a torrent of blood, screams and curses.

 

When it’s all finally, mercifully over, Kanaya and Terezi make sure you aren’t going to bleed out, poking at the inside of your gaping nook to rub ointments and creams.  Stroking you and telling you what a  GR34T JOB YOU D1D, K4RKL3S >:] when you hiss in delirious pain.  You knew Kanaya was keeping her claws trimmed for this, but at some point while you were laying, Terezi clipped hers too. Kind of presumptuous of her, when you think about it, thinking she’d just get wrist deep inside you with your moirail and help put you back together.  But if Kanaya doesn’t mind you’re not going to say anything about a second pair of fronds taking care of you.  You’ve earned that tiny luxury, at least.

When you get a chance you sit up, sort of, and examine your brood.  Ten eggs, one more than last time.  Nine in varying tints and hues of Jade.  One mutant, bright ruby red.  Kanaya notices you staring at it, bundles them all into a drawer lined with towels and spirits them out of the room before you can smash it out of revulsion.

You hope Terezi eats it when she’s not looking.

 

* * *

 

 

It takes all of one night before Vriska figures out what’s going on.  Yes, you could let Kanaya handle her.  No, you aren’t going to.  You’ve already put your moirail through enough - even if most of it was a direct result of her eggs rolling out of you.

You grit your teeth, open trollian and dive right in.

AG: Alright, you gave Kanaya a 8rood of wrigglers like we all agreed to.  
AG: When are you coming 8ack?  
CG: THAT’S A JOKE, RIGHT?  
CG: NAME ONE POSSIBLE REASON I MIGHT HAVE TO EVER DO THAT.  
CG: BECAUSE I’M FEELING GENEROUS, HERE’S A HINT:  
CG: YOU CAN’T!  
AG: Oh, I don’t know.  
AG: May8e 8ecause you promised you would!  
AG: I gotta hand it to you, Vantas, you can still surprise me.  
AG: You’re the last person I ever expected to 8r8k a contract!  
CG: I THINK YOU’LL FIND THAT EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID, AS USUAL, IS ALMOST AS POINTLESS AND IRRELEVANT AS YOU.  
CG: WHAT MY ‘WORD’ MEANS DOESN’T MATTER, BECAUSE I NEVER PROMISED TO COME BACK SO YOU COULD KNOCK ME UP AGAIN.  
CG: IF YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR WASTE CHUTE FOR A SECOND, AND HOPEFULLY DIE WHEN ONE OF YOUR HORNS CATCHES ON SOMETHING IMPORTANT AND TEARS IT MESSILY FROM YOUR BODY, YOU’LL FIND I HONORED THE TERMS OF OUR ARRANGEMENT TO A T.  
CG: I PAILED YOU WHENEVER YOU WANTED IN EXCHANGE FOR LIVING IN YOUR HIVE, EATING YOUR FOOD, AND ALL THE OTHER ASSORTED AMENITIES THAT WERE NECESSARY TO PROLONG MY UNFORTUNATE EXISTENCE.  
CG: I AM NO LONGER LIVING IN YOUR HIVE, AND THEREFORE HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO ALLOW YOUR BULGE INTO MY BODY.  
CG: I HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO ALLOW SAID BULGE TO FERTILIZE THE EGGS MY GROTESQUE MUTANT SEEDFLAP PRODUCES, AND I *ESPECIALLY* HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO STICK AROUND ONCE I HAVE DISCHARGED THOSE EGGS.  
CG: AND I *ABSOLUTELY* HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO DO ANYTHING WHEN THOSE EGGS HATCH, OTHER THAN SIT HERE AND LAUGH AS THEY MAKE YOU EVEN A TENTH AS MISERABLE AS THEY MADE ME.  
CG: YOU BITCH.  
AG: Well what the hell am I supposed to do with them?  
CG: YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO SUGGEST.  
AG: No!  
CG: GET RID OF THEM.  
AG: No!!!!!!!!  
CG: AT LEAST STOP FUCKING PAMPERING THEM.  
CG: YOU AREN’T DOING THEM A FAVOR BY HELPING THE WEAK ONES MAKE IT TO PUPATION.  
CG: THEY’RE NOT GOING TO THANK YOU WHEN THEY GROW UP STUNTED AND MISSING LEGS.  
CG: THEY AREN’T GOING TO BE GRATEFUL THEY SURVIVED UNTIL THEY WERE SMART ENOUGH TO BE MISERABLE.  
CG: ‘8UT KARKAT HOW CAN YOU POSSI8LY KNOW THAT?’  
CG: WELL, I CALL IT: EVERYTHING I ALREADY KNOW BECAUSE I’M LIVING IN IT!  
AG: I’m not pampering them, god!  
AG: I 8ring 8ack things for them to hunt sure 8ut I’m not regurgit8ing food for them.  
AG: I’m not ru88ing ointment into them when they 8ite each other.  
CG: IF YOU’RE SUBJECTING THEM TO THE SAME SELECTION PRESSURE AS THEY’D ENCOUNTER IN THE BROODING CAVERNS WHY ARE YOU KEEPING THEM AROUND INSTEAD OF DUMPING THEM?  
AG: 8ecause they’re mine!  
CG: AND I HAVE TO COME BACK AND HELP YOU DEAL WITH THEM, BECAUSE SO AM I?  
AG: Now you’re getting it!  
CG: ALRIGHT, LET ME ASK YOU THIS:  
CG: AND I’M BEING ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERIOUS WHEN I DO SO, NO BULLSHIT.  
CG: WHAT POSSIBLE REASON WOULD I HAVE TO COME BACK TO YOU VOLUNTARILY?  
AG: Well, leaving out for the moment that your 8lood makes you a non entity and anything I do with you is one hundred percent legal…  
AG: Do you reeeeeeeealy think I’d have that much trou8le 8ringing you 8ack if you keep 8eing o8stinate?  
CG: OH NO, NOT THIS TIME.  


HEY!

Y3S?

Terezi turns her nose up from her book of case law.

IF I WALK OFF INTO THE DESERT IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET BACK TO SERKET’S HIVE, KILL ME.

4BSOLUT3LY NOT!  M1SS CUCUMB3R WOULD N3V3R FORG1V3 M3

FUCK YOU, JUST SAY YES

R1GHT NOW YOU COULDN’T 3V3N W4LK OUT TH3 FRONT DOOR >:P

She’s right.  Kanaya and Terezi have been picking you up whenever you need to move somewhere.  It’s infuriating and, as much as you trust them both, a little terrifying.  That they can trollhandle you however they like, as easily as you could a grub.  That you couldn’t get away if you wanted to.  Yes, when you were full of eggs your feet hurt, but at least you could stand for longer than  _ five minutes _ without your legs going to jelly.  Fuck, why can’t things just go back to normal?

You know, besides the whole ‘becoming a fugitive after the drones found you, destroyed your hive and killed your lusus’ thing.

FINE, GOD.

CG: ALRIGHT, IT’S ARRANGED.  
CG: YOU TRY AND PUPPET ME BACK TO YOU AND TEREZI WILL MERCIFULLY PUT AN END TO MY LIFE.  
AG: Terezi’s there?  
CG: YEAH, I COULD HAVE SWORN I ALREADY TOLD YOU.  
AG: And you’re letting HER pail you but not me?  
CG: WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK THAT?  


Big mistake.  A second later, there she goes, rifling through your thinkpan.  Terezi perks up, recognizing the way your breathing goes funny as you try and fight off the intruder.  Vriska rummages around your head for a bit longer, hopefully at least perturbed by the colorful imagery you think up for her, before mercifully leaving your mind in peace.

AG: Fuck you, that’s adding insult to injury.  
CG: WHAT INJURY?  
CG: ARE YOU THE ONE WHO WAS BLEEDING FROM YOUR GENITALS AFTER FORCIBLY EXPELLING NO FEWER THAN TEN EGGS?  
CG: ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT PERMANENT DAMAGE TO YOUR BONE STRUCTURE AS A RESULT OF OUTSIZED OBJECTS REPEATEDLY PASSING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?  
CG: YOUR LEGS, WHICH AS A RESULT YOU CURRENTLY CAN BARELY USE?  
CG: WHAT’S THAT?  
CG: NO?  
CG: THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!  
CG: SHUT UP AND STOP MAKING IT WORSE BY EXISTING!  
CG: GET IT THROUGH YOUR IMPOSSIBLY THICK NUGBONE THAT I’M NOT COMING BACK!  
AG: Karkat I’ve 8een inside your head, remem8er?  
AG: I know for a fact you don’t think living with me was THAT 8ad.  
AG: You can fool everyone else 8ut I see right through you ;;;;)  
CG: OK, YES, YOU OFFERED ME A PLACE TO STAY WHEN I NEEDED.  
CG: THE FACT THAT YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE TO DO SO IS NOTED, AND AS SHITTY AS THE TERMS YOU ATTACHED WERE, I AM ACTUALLY GRATEFUL FOR THAT.  
CG: AND YES, YOU WERE GRADUALLY GETTING LESS HORRIBLE TOWARD THE END.  
CG: HELL, I’LL ADMIT IT: SOMETIMES THE SEX WAS PRETTY GOOD!  
CG: BUT OVERALL KANAYA OFFERS ME A BETTER DEAL.  
CG: NAMELY, SHE’S NOT GOING TO MAKE ME GO THROUGH THE WHOLE THING OVER AGAIN!  
CG: WOW!  
CG: AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT, LET ME ASSAULT YOU WITH THIS QUERY:  
CG: WE JUST VERIFIED YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THE ‘DESCENDANTS’ YOU ALREADY HAVE.  
CG: MAKING YOUR MASTER PLAN TO PUT ANOTHER GRUBLOAF IN MY CONVECTION APPARATUS A PAINFUL WASTE OF TIME FOR THE BOTH OF US.  
CG: WHY IN THE BLISTERING FUCK DO YOU EVEN WANT ME BACK?  
AG: 8ecause I miss having you around!  
AG: There, I said it!  
AG: Fuck the gru8s!  
AG: I looked it up. There’s medicine I can 8uy that stop the gest8tion so you don’t have to deal with it ever again.  
AG: I liked pailing you and pampering you and arguing with you, even when you were 8eing stupid.  
AG: Which was always, and right now!!!!!!!!

Wow.

CG: WOW.  
CG: THERE’S ‘TRANSPARENTLY MANIPULATIVE’ AND THEN THERE’S JUST SAD.  
CG: AND I THINK YOU JUST CROSSED OVER FROM THE FIRST INTO THE SECOND, IF YOU WEREN’T THERE ALREADY.  
AG: Oh fuck you, this is soooooooo typical!  
AG: I 8are my 8loodpusher and what do I get in return?  
AG: You assume, wrongly, as always, that this is some rotpanned scheme of mine to get under your skin!  
AG: Why can’t you ever accept that you’re 8eing paranoid?  
AG: Why can’t my feelings ever 8e genuine?  
CG: COULD IT BE YOUR LONG AND EXTENSIVELY DOCUMENTED HISTORY OF CRYING WOLF?  
CG: COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU JUST NOW THREATENED TO MIND CONTROL ME INTO COMPLIANCE IF I DIDN’T VOLUNTARILY RETURN TO YOUR CLUTCHES?  
AG: Sticks and stoooooooones, Vantas.  
AG: If I really wanted to put the screws to you, I’d just threaten to tell where you were hiding.  
AG: 8ut as you can see, I haven’t done that.  
AG: I haven’t even thought a8out it!  
CG: YOU’RE SO FUCKING MAGNANIMOUS I COULD JUST SHIT MYSELF.  
CG: THE FACT THAT IT’S YOUR MATESPRIT ILLEGALLY SHELTERING ME HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR UNWILLINGNESS TO BRING THE DRONES DOWN ON ME.  
AG: See? My motiv8ions are nothing 8ut pure!  
CG: YEAH, I’M SURE.  
CG: WHY DOES IT EVEN HAVE TO BE ME?  
CG: THERE ARE PLENTY OF GUTTERBLOODS WHO WOULD JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO STAY RENT-FREE IN A FUCKING CASTLE, IN EXCHANGE FOR A LITTLE BLUE BULGE NOW AND THEN  
CG: HEY, MAYBE THAT CAN BE THE PITCH YOU OFFER THE NEXT GUY YOU HAUL HOME TO TOSS TO YOUR LUSUS.  
CG: ‘ALRIGHT, FLARPMATE! I’VE GOT A GR8 DEAL FOR YOU: YOU CAN EITHER 8E SPIDER CHOW, OR YOU CAN 8E MY LIVE-IN SLURRY RECEPTACLE’  
AG: No!!!!!!!!  
AG: Why do you always make everything so gross and weird?  
CG: LET’S STEP BACK AND THINK ABOUT WHO IT IS ASKING THAT QUESTION.  
CG: IS IT THE TROLL WHO, UPON HEARING THAT KANAYA WAS FLUSHED FOR HER, THOUGHT FIRST AND FOREMOST: ‘I WONDER IF I CAN CONVINCE HER TO 8ONE ME AND KARKAT AT THE SAME TIME????????’  
CG: SIGNS POINT TO YES!  
AG: That wasn’t the first thing!  
CG: WAS IT THE EIGHTH?  
AG: 8low me, Vantas!  
AG: If you’re just going to throw everything I say 8ack in my face then fine, offer withdrawn!  
AG: I don't understand how you can 8e so fucking ungr8ful!  
AG: I’m never taking you 8ack and if I ever hear from you again it’ll 8e too soon!  
CG: WHAT DID I SAY TO PROMPT THIS?  
CG: I WANT TO KNOW, SO THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU CONTACT ME I CAN IMMEDIATELY SAY IT AGAIN.  
arachnidsGrip ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist

Fuck.  If you had to guess, there are going to be consequences to that.  Terezi sniffs quizzically.

DO 1 N33D TO D34L W1TH VR1SK4 ?

NO, YOU DON’T NEED TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING.   You shut your husktop, lean back and groan in frustration.   CONTRARY TO ALL THAT YOU’VE WITNESSED OVER THE LAST SEVERAL NIGHTS, THERE WAS A TIME I COULD ACTUALLY DEAL WITH SHIT ON MY OWN, WITHOUT LITERALLY NEEDING MY HAND HELD.  I’D LIKE TO RETURN TO THAT ERA SOONER RATHER THAN LATER, SO PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF THE EMPRESS’ SCINTILLATING, BIOLUMINESCENT BULGE, JUST LEAVE THIS ALONE.

4LR1GHT, 1F YOU’R3 SUR3.   She points in your direction.   BUT 1F 1 SM3LL M1SS S3RK3T 1N YOUR H34D 4G41N, 1’M GO1NG TO KNOCK SOM3 S3NS3 1NTO YOU B3FOR3 1 GO H4NDL3 H3R!

FUCKING- SURE, WHATEVER, FANTASTIC.

  
  
The thought comes to you later that day, totally unbidden, that in a thoroughly disgusting way, it’s almost sweet that Vriska refused to even entertain the idea of disposing of your spawn, even the ones with your blood.  You turn to see if Terezi is about to smack you and find that, no, she isn’t making good on her promise to wallop you if she thought you were being  manipul8ed .  Satisfied that your thoughts are your own, you mentally piledrive that one as forcefully as possible into the garbage where it belongs.  There’s a difference between being a romantic, which you definitely are, and being a fucking sap, which you’re on the road to becoming if you don’t quickly and drastically change the trajectory of your life.

**Author's Note:**

> Someday I'm going to write something where Karkat is effectual and master of his own fate, and not just constantly bullied and molested and so on.
> 
> This is clearly not that day.


End file.
